Counseling as a Conversation
The Journey of Developmental Dialog
Counseling is often labeled a lost art in our profession. Frequently counseling sessions become lectures and are not interactive discussions. Army Doctrinal Publication (ADP) 6–22 describes counseling as “the process used by leaders to guide subordinates to improve performance and develop their potential.“ There are three types of counseling (Event, Performance, Professional Growth) as outlined in Army Techniques Publication (ATP) 6–22.1, The Counseling Process. Event and professional growth counseling is important and essential to continual professional enrichment. This essay focuses on performance counseling as a journey and dialog aiming to increase potential and improve the individual. This is “a way” of counseling; one I’ve found useful and not one-sided. I’ll provide a counseling instrument and methodology I use to help guide the counseling session. I’ll explain how I lead a counseling session, some of the questions I ask to help the counseled individual open up and talk about themselves, and how to close out and summarize the discussion to provide clarity and direction until the next counseling session.
A compass for your journey
Below is a simple single sheet for counseling. It’s a rubric for notetaking developed based upon the items of discussion to focus on in coaching or counseling. It is used to review the previous session(s) in preparation or take notes as the counseling session develops. Consider the following when reviewing:
- What objectives from last session have progressed or completed?
- Where does the subject need the most assistance?
- What observations over the past month shape or frame my opinion?
Counseling is a dialog, not a lecture
An effective coach or counselor is a facilitator of thought; a tour guide through the counseled individual’s mind and introspection. Initial questions should discuss the goals, objectives, and key results from the past month. Before getting to that point you must explain the structure of the engagement. What is the intent of the session? What is your objective as the facilitator? Fundamentally, counseling is best when it seeks to improve the self and, as a byproduct, the organization in which the person being counseled works. One of my favorite ways to start a counseling session with someone I have never worked with before is by explaining the following:
“You have hidden potential. Everyone does. You’re capable of doing things you don’t believe that you can do. My job is to help you realize that potential and to be that little voice in the back of your head that says ‘yes, you can’ when your own voice is saying ‘no, I can’t.’”
How we get there varies. Ideally the person being counseled does most of the talking. After all, the session is designed (ideally) to improve them and their performance, satisfaction, motivation, etc. I’ve found this functions best when I talk less. In order to get to that point, it needs to become relaxed and natural. Best memories are great icebreakers and ways to get to that relaxed and free flowing dialog.
What’s your best memory of the past month?
I always ask the best memory of the past month. It’s a guided imagery exercise. More often than not, in the first session the “best memory” is work related — “I remember when we did this project and we did it really well.” This gives the opportunity to branch into a side conversation as required.
If your best memory over the past month is work related you need to take a few days off and reacquaint yourself with your loved ones or a hobby.
The answer to the “best memory” question gives me insight as to where your priorities are. Even more, it gives me perspective as to where you think (or assume) my priorities are. If you think I’m expecting an answer that is work related, I need to take some time and reflect for what reason you might think this way. Hopefully this isn’t the case. The “best memory” reflection allows a window to balance. It provides a different discussion point than strictly work related material. It gives me an idea of what you do in your spare time and what you enjoy doing. In short, it exposes your human side and that opens doors to more free and authentic communication.
Goals, objectives, and reasoning
For monthly counseling, I prefer to start by going over the individual’s personal goals for the past month. It’s a review from the close out of the last session. No goal is too outlandish or ridiculous. Sometimes the best and most rewarding goals are those that seem most outside the realm of possibility. Don’t worry about obtainability — we’ll deal with that later. Build a list of objectives that might seem a bit out of reach. The objectives and goals are often less important than the discussions they generate. Some opening questions providing insight and perspective:
- What makes you passionate about this goal?
- How do you plan to proceed?
- How can I best help you realize success?
For initial counseling sessions, asking for the top two or three objectives for the next month help give insight to your priorities. It allows me an opportunity to help focus and refine your priorities as you enter a new job or task set. For the initial counseling session, objectives and goals for the next month should be obtainable to gain confidence.
Why not to start with why
Notice the word “why” didn’t start any questions. While it’s en vogue to “start with why,” “why” comes across as accusatory and subconsciously makes us defensive. The last thing we need in a counseling or developmental coaching session is an adversarial relationship between the parties. “Because” answers start off as defensive and justifying. Questions where the only logical answer starts with “because” give the impression you have to defend your position. Someone who immediately defaults to the defensive will not provide the best insight into their mindset. They won’t be open. They’re going to feel judged. “What” and “how” questions are far more insightful. “What” allows for explanation. “How” allows pathways to action. Both provide better answers than those that start with “because.”
Lessons learned provide insight to introspection
Lessons learned provide a window into the depth of introspective thought. What did you learn over the past month about yourself and your job that increased your self-improvement, sense of self, or productivity? While lessons learned can be about anything that improves performance, the best discussions occur when the counseled individual gains insight about how they gained efficiency and effectiveness in doing their job or improved their interpersonal relationships. It gives perspective as to how someone learns. It provides an appreciation of whether we’re drawing the right lessons from past shortcomings or mistakes. It allows for a discussion as to what makes those lessons so indelible. Some of the questions that help guide this part of the dialog include:
- What was the point where this lesson became most evident to you?
- Is there anything you wish you had done differently?
- How could you use this lesson in the future?
- Does this lesson apply anywhere else in your work or day to day life?
Areas for improvement take introspection a step further
Areas of improvement help identify the biggest perceived personal deficiencies and priorities. These are areas that, through personal reflection, introspection, trial and error, or failure, the counseled individual wants to become better than they are right now. Improvement is a journey in itself. It’s the job of the coach or counselor to help provide direction and purpose. Framing areas of improvement through questions seeking introspective dialog help encourage the counseled individual to ascertain answers and methods to solve their own self-identified areas to improve.
- What areas would you most like to improve?
- What causes you to believe this is an area that needs improvement?
- How do you think it is best to address this particular area?
Objectives and plan for the next 30/60/90 days
Every destination needs a roadmap. The 30/60/90 Day plan helps break the trip into intermediate waypoints and objectives. It also serves as a good closeout and summary of what has been discussed and provides a way ahead towards the next session. It summarizes what you talked about, what needs to be done moving forward, and identifies where the counseled individual wants to be going into the next session. Some questions to help close out the session include:
- What things have to be accomplished in order to achieve the overall objective/goal?
- What resources do you need to achieve your goals?
- How can I best help you?
Finally, a word about preparation…
Do not go into a counseling session blind. You can’t just “wing it” and expect you’re doing a sufficient job in development. Counseling and coaching is an investment of time on the part of both participants. The counseled individual is investing in the time spent with the expectation you are there to improve their performance and productivity. Don’t cheat them of their time or the opportunity to improve. They trust you to help them in their journey. Don’t violate that trust.
Summary
Counseling is an interactive activity with the objective to improve performance, effectiveness, and self awareness. The session is most effective when the subject of the counseling does the most talking and is allowed to open up about themselves, their goals, and the areas they wish to improve upon. It is the job of the counselor to help guide and motivate the counseled individual towards success, offering advice and encouragement within an atmosphere of trust and development rather than a perception of judgement.
